During Passover we asked for suggestions from our readers, and this was one which we felt particularly drawn to. Jessica will have some particularly awesome insights on Monday – so be sure to watch for that.
Personally, I think it is important to view your Judaism similarly, whether or not you observe in the same way. How central is your Judaism to your life? Do you both have similar feelings about interacting with Shabbat or keeping Kosher? Can you find Jewish meaning in the mundane, or not?
I know that I am extremely blessed to have found a man who views Judaism so similarly to me and who also practices similarly to me. We are lucky – we know that. However, I did date a lot of men, or chose not to date them, in the process of finding my match. In fact, the last person I dated before D is a prime example of this question. On our second date we had a long conversation about Kashrut and Shabbat. Our current observance as well as our life aspirations for the same. We had both been hurt in the past by people who did not see things on our wave length, so we wanted to be sure we saw it the same from the get-go. While the relationship was not meant to be in the long run, we did have a great time and were able to relax knowing that our Judaism was compatible.
I think in the end thats what it is about. Jewish practice is just one of many things which need to be compatible for a relationship to work. Compromises are always inevitable, so you need to know what are you hard and fast rules and what you may willing to compromise on, both in regards to your Judaism and your life in general.
For even further reading on the topic, I’d suggest the book http://www.amazon.com/Two-Jews-Still-Mixed-Marriage/dp/1564144739 with practical advice from both Rabbinic and Psychological viewpoints.